Turned 60...total lost 31 lbs, ending weight 285

The big 60 came and went...today is Thanksgiving Day and I'm in Oregon with Mom and Dad...we are expecting 5 other family members at 1 pm for turkey and all the fixings. My 60th was on Saturday, Nov 23 and it was fun to celebrate with family here in Oregon. My brother Norman, his wife Lori and her daughters/boyfriends/child were here for a big ham dinner. Mom ordered a cake that was decorated with 6 cats since that's how many I have at home...then, the lady put a little cat on the side of the cake and told Mom that one was waiting for me to come home to California...Lori decorated with balloons and ribbons  and a "Happy Birthday" banner...how fun....when the cake came baby Sharlie (age 16 months) "helped" me blow out candles...what fun!! They were the ones that threw out some sparklers and then relit and the look on her face was adorable.....great memories and a wonderful birthday celebration'

When I started this blog, I had wanted to be under 260 by my 60th birthday..which would have meant a 56 lb loss...I ended up losing 31 lbs and pretty much have stayed the same for the past couple months. Now that my trip to Oregon is coming to an end, I will step it up again and get some more weight off. My goal for December is to stay the same...then after the new year, really put my plan back in motion. 

So, I think I will end this blog now since it was focused on getting me through my 60th birthday..after the new year, I'll probably start a new one with new goals....it's been good for me to have a place to write and just let out some of the things that are going on so I will definitely start a new one once the New Year has come...

Monday weighin...October 14 2013...287 lbs no change...29.5 lbs lost Week 21

So no change this week but that's actually GOOD news considering I didn't even attempt to try this week!!! Don't get me wrong, I didn't go hog wild and pig out....just didn't make choices with losing weight in mind. Last weekend was the big Ontario CA. Scrapbook Expo at the Ontario Convention Center....and I totally over did....walked too much and wiped out all my physical reserves.....to the point that I slept for 18 hours on Saturday night....I went to bed at 11 pm and woke up once to go to the bathroom and didn't wake up til 7:30 pm Sunday. Yikes. I was shocked when I woke up and it was dark. And sadly, I felt like I could have slept longer...

So thanks to sleeping so late I stayed up from 7:30 pm Sunday til 5:30 pm Monday....then, gratefully slept well til about 9 am today...now hopefully I have recharged my battery a bit. Obviously, there are major issues going on. I've had this problem with my legs being weak for years. My doctor feels it's from my chronically low Vit D and iron levels. They have been low for over 2 years.despite treatment...I think I might have a pinched nerve in my low back. I know I had herniated discs there when I had an MRI over 10 years ago....so I need to step up my medical intervention...it seems that I just have a limited amount of physical energy and once spent, there's no more...and if I push through it like I did at Expo, I will pay the price. My legs are still tired today but at least I don't feel as wiped out....

I definitely haven't had any energy to cook or prep food....but that is getting better and hopefully I'm back on track. At least I'm starting again at the same place I was 6 weeks ago....and not with a big gain....

October 7, 2013 Monday weigh in...287 lbs total lost 29.5 lbs...week 20

I'm finally back...I've had a really rough couple of weeks since getting back from vacation. It was probably the best trip to Oregon in all of the years I've been going ...I just really enjoyed every minute with family. I also had so much fun scrapbooking and just relaxing...anyway, when I got home I started having problems....I've struggled with clinical depression my entire adult life....for me, it is an insidious thing that creeps up and paralyzes me. I don't "feel" depressed or sad or teary....just bit by bit I will stop functioning...It creeps up on me a bit at a time and it'll take me a few days to figure out what's going on....last week I was all messed up...I started staying up all night...literally going to bed at 6 am and sleeping til 4 pm...

I didn't even leave the house except to get mail and take out trash for a solid week...and then, I forced myself to get in the car and only went to Subway to buy lunch and bring it right back home. That was a week ago and I'm now turning it around. It's hard and I get tired of having to talk myself into just doing the basic things I need to do every day....it would be great to just be able to live my life without having to have a long mental conversation with myself just to function...but, it's what I have to do and eventually I get it together and start feeling better....

For the past couple of weeks I've been having trouble functioning and that included not eating right. But, fortunately, I didn't do much damage on the scale despite not eating right. I'm thankful that I haven't gained anything since getting home from Oregon...just have stayed the same pretty much within a pound or two so I'm in a good place to just start over again...Things are much better this week and I'm functioning better...sleeping a more normal schedule and getting out and doing the things I enjoy. I took a card making class and went to a workshop day at Michaels....and this week is Expo which I'm looking forward to. Each day I'm feeling a bit better so I'm sure I'll keep improving every day.

There are about 7 weeks til my birthday so I won't be making my goal of weighing 260 by then...if I work at it, I could probably do that before Christmas so that's my new goal...upward and onward!!

Monday morning back from vacation....287.5...up 2 lbs, total lost so far 28.5 lbs....week 18

I haven't fallen off the face of earth....went on vacation to Oregon on 9-4 and got back on 9-16....so this is my first Monday morning since getting back. I went to Oregon and spent almost 2 weeks with my Mom and Dad and sister Pam....it was probably one of the best trips ever....Pam and I went to a weekend long scrapbooking retreat and spent 3 days just creating things...it was like being in a bubble completely away from the real world. From Friday at 7 pm til Sunday at 5 pm all we did was scrapbook, eat and sleep!!!! What a treat...

Then a couple days at Mom and Dad's in Bend...followed by 3 nights/4 days at Yachats with Mom and Pam...our favorite place on earth...again, a weekend of scrapbooking, eating and just spending time together...we only left our unit once to make a quick run to the grocery store for ice....

Then, back to the real world. Most of the time, I was able to stay on my eating program. But I didn't "try" while I was gone....and really enjoyed eating Mom's cookies....but I didn't pig out and was rewarded by only gaining 2 lbs while I was gone.

Now it's about 8 weeks til my 60th birthday....and I'd have to lose 27.5 lbs to make my goal of being 260 by my 60th...obviously, that isn't going to happen....so a revised goal.....275 by my birthday which would mean losing about 12 lbs in 8 weeks...that's do-able...and then I can reset my "260" goal to achieve by Christmas...

August 26, 2013...Monday weigh in 285.5 lbs Week 14 total lost 30.5 lbs

Yeah...I made the 30 lb mark...slowly but surely...but over time the changes add up and all of a sudden, there's a 30 lb loss there....I'm proud of myself....it feels so good to actually be achieving my goals...not that it's been easy but I am just sticking to it and step by step I just keep plugging away.....

I'm going on vacation in just over a week and am getting excited...I will be able to continue to eat healthy while I'm away so shouldn't do a lot of damage to my weight loss.....I still have times when I want to just eat everything in sight and can usually identify some anxiety or stress that's the cause of my emotions....I'm making a lot of progress in becoming more self aware....about time....

Monday weighin....290.5 gained 2 lbs, week 13 total lost 26 lbs

Stupid scale...OK, OK, I screwed around a little this week but shouldn't have gained....I had Chinese food twice over the weekend so I'm sure that's the reason for the scale reading the way it does....interesting since this week I can really tell my clothes are fitting differently...mybras are too big in the cup which is weird...

A friend took a picture of me the other day and I sent it along to my mom and sister...I was surprised at how different my face looks....a lot of of the puffiness is gone....well, not those family trait bags under the eyes but I can actually see a little hollow in my cheeks.

I am going to enjoy eating fresh corn for a few days....it's the height of the season and was on sale 5 ears for $1....so I am going to make corn chowder and a corn casserole....so I'll be indulging in food I don't normally eat....but it's totally unrealistic to think of going all summer without having corn!!

Yesterday I made a big pot of brown/wild rice blend...I had run out of what was in the freezer...I like to put a cup of it in the small snack sized resealable bags and pop in the freezer....a perfect size serving ready after 5 minutes in the microwave...

It's been hot, close to 100, so I've just been sticking close to home. I'm taking care of a friend's cats while she's on vacation...she'll be back tomorrow...And I'm going to lunch with a friend on Wednesday to a Korean BBQ buffet which should be interesting...I don't know a lot about Korean food so am looking forward to learning something new....

Monday weigh in...288.5 lbs no change, 12 weeks, 28 lbs lost

Today, I'm fighting the "if-the-scale-doesn't-change-eat-it-all" demon!!! It's been a slow progression for a couple weeks...and I wasn't really "bad" last week....so this week, I'll buckle down ...I really want to see a couple pounds gone next week so I can say I've lost 30 lbs.....

I had a doctor's appt today....I'm scheduled  for a sleep study on 8-30...haven't had one is several years and I'm so tired all the time....I use my CPAP every night without fail but I think I may need a different mask...I have horrible sinus problems and nasal congestion which, I think, interferes with now well the CPAP can do it's thing. It seems I may need a "full face mask" which covers the nose and mouth and, most assuredly, is quite lovely and sexy.....he-he....hopefully, the sleep center can give me one of them to try when I'm there....I will be going on vacation a few days after the sleep study so won't have enough time to order one and get it before I leave town...

I also checked my weight history with the doctor's office....I had been going through my "life timeline" and have a partial weight history through the time I had surgery but wanted to see how my weight had fluctuated since then....in March of 2014 it will be 15 years since I had the bypass surgery and I was curious to see when my weight had gone up...trying to correlate some connection between life events and the weight changes throughout my life. Dr. Phil always says that when a relationship ends one should perform an "autopsy" to figure out what had gone wrong in order to understand and not make the same mistakes again. That seems like a good idea with regards to my weight history as well....especially since I am VERY ready to put it behind me and move on with my life without the burden of the weight on my body and soul....once I've analyzed it a bit more, I'll write here about what I've learned from my weight history "autopsy".

Dr. Starr has been my doctor for 25 years, although he's only a year older than I am....he's been my doctor that long because he respects my intelligence and doesn't harp on my weight problem with every medical issue I have...but, he's totally on board and very pleased with this initial loss. As I told him today, this is the first time in over 10 years that I've been under 300 and stayed there...a couple of times, I danced around the 300, maybe going down to 295 but always back up to the 310-315 range...so to be under 290 and heading lower is a very good thing. He also has the same philosophy as I do....not to overtreat and go crazy with every little medical issue. For example, a lot of doctors would have had me on antibiotics for months due to all the sinus crap but I've read enough to know that they don't really work any better than just giving your body time to let the immune system do it's thing.

My next visit with Dr. Starr will be on 9-17 which is right after I get back from my trip to Oregon...for which I leave in a bit over 3 weeks....My goal is to get down to a 35 lb loss before I leave...then I will try and just maintain while I'm gone as I intend to eat some of Mom's cookies!! I won't be going hog wild crazy while on vacation and it should be relatively easy to "be good" since both my Mom and sister are trying to eat healthy and we will be cooking our own food and not eating out while I'm there. I think I have the sugar demon in it's place and eating some of Mom's cookies will not be a major issue!!

Monday Aug 5, 2013 288.5 lbs. 11 weeks, 28 lbs lost

Monday weigh in, lost one pound so not much of a change....but I'm OK with that....I haven't had any major temptations this week or any real issues...am still tired and not much energy but that's "normal" for me....one day last week, I slept til 2:30 pm...seems that I do that every couple of weeks....

Yesterday I realized that I'll be in Washington for vacation in exactly a month!! I know the next few weeks will fly by and I'm going to try and get as much done ahead of time as possible. I'd love to get another 10 lbs off before   I go on vacation....I'm going to need new pants soon...although I think I might have some in the next size down from what I'm wearing now..and luckily,, on vacation it'll be totally casual...so baggy clothes will be OK....

Maybe I'll keep a food diary this week...might help to keep me on track...

Monday weighi in- 289.5... 10 weeks...27 lbs lost

Yippee, crossed the 25 lb mark today....and almost to 30 lbs off which feels good....I had a good week this week..only went off my program a couple of times...had a footlong from Subway...damn them for being so addictive!!! Then got a crispy chicken caesar wrap and FRIES from Wendy's...yum, those salty fries tasted soooo good....but otherwise was just home a lot with no temptations....that definitely helps. I am lucky that way, living alone and not having much of a social life makes it easier to resist temptations...and I am having sleep issues so am sometimes only out of bed 12 hours a day..which makes for fewer hours in which to eat!!! A lot of the time I only eat 2 meals a day if I've slept a lot....

I'm still remarkably not stressed/anxious about all of this...but my life is less stressful than other times that I've tried to lose weight. I know a lot of my overeating is from stress and anxiety and from emotional eating. At this stage in my life, I am home alone a lot so not as much stress as if I were out in the world working/commuting, etc. every day.

I've been sorting and organizing pictures from the 1990s on. It's been interesting to see how my weight has fluctuated over the years...I'm putting together a weight time line which is interesting...trying to understand what was happening in my life at different times when my weight was going up...or when I was more successful at keeping it down...just trying to see patterns there that might help me deal with things better in the future. I am definitely better able to deal with my issues now than when I was younger...the maturity and self acceptance at age almost-60 is so much better than at any other point in my life...and hopefully will continue so as I keep on going with the weight loss...

Monday weigh in- 292.5, 9 weeks, 24 lbs lost

Despite having a couple of major "off" moments....like, eating a Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger at 9 pm after scrapbooking, (what??) I had a good loss this week....Guess I didn't mess around as much as I thought, or at least it didn't show on the scale...happy!!

It's been 9 weeks..I actually started this new program on 5-16 which was a Thursday but am doing Monday weighins so am counting the weeks from 5-20- which was 9 weeks ago today. And I have 6 weeks til I go on vacation to Oregon....then, after I get back from vacation, I will have 8 weeks til my birthday....My starting weight was 316 and I want to be at 260 or less by my birthday...which totals a goal of losing 56 pounds....so 4 more pounds will put me at the half way point to my birthday goal....Wow that actually seems do-able!! As long as I don't go for nightime burger runs!!

I should do OK on vacation....I'll be with family and not a lot of out-of-control eating planned...although I'm already planning on having Mom's cookies....and, our traditional menu for our Oregon Coast getaway weekend isn't exactly on my program but nothing horrible either.....it definitely helps that both my Mom and sister are watching what they eat too.

Today, a friend asked if I have noticed any difference yet...I definitely can tell when I take a shower that my breasts and backside are smaller...belly, not so much yet!!! My pants are fitting looser but I wear loose drawstring pants so they are good til I'm lost another 10-15 lbs at least. I'm not feeling a whole lot more energetic but that's from other causes///sleep disorders  sinus problems and Vit D deficiency/anemia....my labs are coming up slowly and I need to get a new sleep study done....

July 15, 2013 297.5 lbs

So, weigh in day and I had a 3 lb gain on the scale although I'm pretty sure I haven't  eaten enough to have gained that much in fat,,,,I haven't gone totally crazy and off program, just have been eating too much and too often. And not sure why. I know I've been feeling anxious, emotional, teary....not sure exactly why....just life....but today finally cried a little bit and feel better. I don't know why it's so hard for me to cry...I wish I could just let all that stuff OUT but it's always been hard for me to do that....

So, it's a start-over Monday.....sigh....Just lost my way a little bit last week but now I'll get right back on track....gotta look at the big picture and the long term which is hard sometimes....I'm impatient!!

July 12, 2013

I haven't written in a few days....have been down with a sinus infection,  just has wiped me out..the other day I slept til almost 3 pm...crazy...but, am still on my program, although stayed the same this past week when I weighed in.

I went to the doctor today, he was pleased with the fact that I'm losing weight....I need to get a new sleep study..my labs are coming up but Vitamin D is still low...as is hematocrit and calcium...but first step in figuring out why I'm so tired is to get the CPAP and sleep study all checked out. And for the next month, I will faithfully use the nasal rinse sprays and saline spray to see if it will make a difference with the nasal stuffiness. I know I also need to use the humidifier with the CPAP, sometimes I forget to set it up...so I'll do all of that stuff and in 30 days will see the doctor again, hopefully less congested and sleeping better...

Next week will mark 8 weeks since I started watching what I eat...it seems much longer than that somehow...but I'm also about 8 weeks away from going to Oregon for vacation so that's fun to think about too....one month til my next doctor's appt so let's see how much I can lose by then...10 more pounds???

July 6, 2013

I haven't written in a few days....life has settled into a routine and there haven't been any real challenges...just day to day things but nothing that I haven't been able to handle easily...

Fourth of July was quiet, as usual, just a day at home by myself...I made my annual Hebrew National Hot Dog....but this time with a whole wheat bun!! Not as good in the grill pan as on the BBQ but hardly worth firing up the BBQ just for a couple hot dogs....

Today, my nephew is getting married in Oregon...so my thoughts are up there with my extended family.. weddings always make me emotional, anyway, since I never had one!! This young couple will be living in Ohio while she goes to veterinary school. What a fun experience for a newly married young couple to start their life together far away from everything they've ever know...a great way to get to know each other and build a good foundation for a future by having to build their new life without being influenced by family/familiar surroundings....

Tonight, I'm making a hamburger patty for dinner and am going to try a new recipe for a side dish...I had bought too many mushrooms so needed something to use them up...I found a recipe for Mushroom Orzo Risotto...made from orzo instead of rice but it's cooked risotto style with hot broth added by the cup and stirred til done....it calls for Swiss Chard which I've never eaten!! I bought a GIGANTIC huge bunch of it...and ended up with a gallon zip lock bag with the leaves after removing the stems and stalks...so, I'll be having a culinary experience tonight...fun to try something different....

It's so weird to think that I haven't even been on this new program for 2 months....started May 16 so still a couple weeks away from the two month mark. I've settled into this and it feels like it's been FOREVER.....it's about two months til I go to Oregon for my annual vacation so I'm about halfway to that mark as well. I'll weigh Monday but can't really expect to lose more than 1.5-2 lbs a week at this stage. I'm hoping to be down a total of 40 lbs by the time I go to Oregon but that might be a little optimistic but fun to think about!!! ......and to believe and even know that it'll happen at some point, since I'm in this for the long haul....

July 1, 2013

Half of the year is gone... I always think of July 1 as a time to reevaluate the New Year's resolutions made a half a year ago. It feels good to be doing so well on my weight loss goal, even though I didn't get started til May!!! Now I need to start working on other goals like getting this house cleaned up and all the usual financial stuff...

Today was weigh in day and happy to say.....294.5...so I've lost 21.5  lbs which is good....I'm not really having any real problems...not hungry, and happily not having cravings. I get a little bored eating at home all the time...I am planning a Chinese buffet lunch this week...I think having one time a week to look forward to eating out will keep my focused at home. And, the Chinese buffet offers lots of healthy choices and no tempting desserts! And I think I"ll get some corn on the cob this week...it's on the "eat rarely" list but is at the  height of it's season and on sale everywhere for July 4th...little treats to look forward to make it easier to stay on track the rest of the time...

June 28, 2013

It's over 100 and more humid than normal...I was sweating  like crazy just from walking to the mailbox....I wanted to go out for strawberries but it was just too hot. Hopefully, they will still have them tomorrow....it's getting close to the end of the season....

I also wanted to go to Subway but didn't.....just bored with the food I had here at home....I pulled a serving of Mexican casserole from the freezer so that was lunch...I made some yummy salmon last night...so am staying on my program. I'm tired today.....stayed up til 4 am last night....sigh...hopefully will be able to go to bed earlier tonight....

June 27, 2013

A quiet day...my knee is hurting a lot so I laid in bed for a while after waking up to try and get it stretched out a bit. It's over 90 and is supposed to be over 100 all weekend....so staying inside with the AC and fans running is a blessing...

It's a quiet day on the dieting/food front...I ate my first meal (cottage cheese and strawberries) at about 2 pm....dinner will be baked salmon with some rice and baby squash...the Cal Poly Farm Store has the most adorable little baby squash, about 4-5 different varieties, and they sell then for 10 cents each....I eat 2-3 of them at one serving...microwaved with some herbs...yum

One thing I've really noticed is that I'm not using nearly as much butter as I used to.....the only thing I use it for is to put on cooked veges or to cook eggs in. I haven't had eggs since Phase One....Before, I would use butter on toast/bagels/bread and rice/potatoes....now, in theory, butter shouldn't have been an issue in my weight problem since I don't digest the excess fat that I eat....just interesting since it points out that I was eating a lot of bread/etc. to be using the butter like that in the past...

Now if my knee would stop hurting....

June 26, 2013

Today, I went to Hometown Buffet...have been having a craving....and, it's the weirdest thing, I didn't even really enjoy it. Stuff had no taste to it and wasn't even appealing...hmm....maybe I wasn't really hungry?? Maybe my tastes have changed??? I ate a couple pieces of chicken, as I always have, took off all the skin and fat. I had a small serving of fried shrimp and a spoonful of mac and cheese....then a plate of salad with broccoli salad and carrot salad and a bunch of green stuff....for dessert, I ate a few bites of cheesecake and some vanilla ice cream...the ice cream  was good but hasn't sent me off into a manic sugar craving phase....interesting..

I was very full when I finished lunch which was about 3 pm...I know I'll need to eat something before bedtime...I have nice fresh salad makings in the fridge or could make some eggs....or soup from the freezer....

I am really surprised at how easy this change has been for me emotionally...I had expected to deal with a lot of depression and anxiety/crankiness but so far that hasn't happened. If anything, I am feeling more relaxed and less anxious........and content with myself instead of beating myself up about not moving forward with my life. This feels good....

June 25, 2013

Is is possible that the bakery department isn't calling my name any more?? Today, I walked though the to-die-for bakery at Vons on the way to the cat food aisle....and those yummy frosted chocolate eclairs and chewy bagels didn't even look good!! It made me realize how much of my bad eating habits were just that...a habit....once the habit is broken, it seems hard to remember how it was "before"....

I got some of the best strawberries at the Cal Poly Farm Store...it's close to the end of the season for the locally grown berries and I will miss them...I got some marked down stew meat and am cooking it now....I got one russet potato to put in the pot along with carrots later....that will be the first potato I've had since starting my new way of eating. I am in this for the long haul...and it's just not reasonable to NEVER eat a potato or corn on the cob, especially in the summer....so maybe once a month, those will be something to enjoy as an occasional treat....

I can definitely tell a difference in the way  my clothes fit and my face looks a little thinner...not so that anyone else would notice...I don't expect anyone else to notice til I've lost 40-50 lbs...My legs are still weak, though, and I am getting impatient to see some improvement in my physical stamina...definitely on the agenda to talk to Dr. Starr about on 7-12...

June 24, 2013

Drum roll, trumpet fanfare, fireworks and choirs singing "Hallelujah".....the scale today read 298.5....finally under 300....yippee, skippy....feels good....especially since I am not suffering and depriving myself...I'm just making changes that I can live with which feels good.

So, my total loss since 5-16 is 17.5 lbs in about 5 weeks...not too shabby. Next "milestone" will to hit a total loss of 20 lbs....if I apply myself, I could probably do that this week. I have a doctor's appointment on 7-12 and would LOVE to be under 290 for that....

Today, I ran around running errands. I ended up getting a tostada and small taco at Del Taco to eat in the car...but I didn't eat that til 5 pm so probably won't eat a real dinner...maybe just some soup or a salad. There isn't anything on my calendar this week, unlike last week, so it should be easier for me to eat like I should. I didn't make it to the pool last week so will restate that goal for this week....I love being in the water, there is no stress on my joints and that feeling of weightlessness is so refreshing....

Moving forward and in a positive direction feels so good....I feel so much more centered and at peace knowing I'm making changes that are good for me....feels good...

June 22, 2013

Not much happening today... yesterday was super busy....went to a scrapbook manufacturer's warehouse store, then to lunch with a friend and finally to Michael's for scrapbooking from 2-9 pm.My friend and I went to lunch at Chili's....I ordered the mushroom Swiss burger with no bun and extra lettuce...and black beans for the side instead of fries....other than the fact we had to wait a half hour for our food and my meat was pink (I had ordered it well done!!), that was a good choice...then at dinner time, I went to the Chinese restaurant and got Mu Sho Pork with brown rice....I know the "pancake" isn't whole grain but I enjoyed it!!

Today I've just been sticking close to home. I need to work on some craft projects for a couple of upcoming weddings. I am still so tired...my legs were killing me last night...and I could barely walk to the mailbox, that muscle on the side of my hips just doesn't want to work....I will be curious to see what my lab work shows, I have an appt in a couple weeks...

I'm trying a tomato pie recipe recipe tonight...it is crustless and has ricotta cheese and fresh basil in it which sounds good.I have some asparagus to make and might have a small salad too...I've eaten out more than normal this week and am hoping the scale will drop when I weigh Monday...

June 20, 2013

Almost "officially"summer.....is warm enough, for sure, has been over 90 all week....

Last night was a big family get together to celebrate several graduations....foodwise it was a challenge....I knew they were having lasagna and a green salad...and I took a gigantic fresh fruit platter...but it turned out the lasagna had sausage in it which upsets my stomach so I only  ate a little bit....and the salad was loaded with raw onions and cilantro,neither of which I can eat....so I ate a lot of fruit...a couple pieces of sourdough cheese toast....and I had dessert- cheesecake and ice cream, weird combination but they always have ice cream with cheesecake....now, this was the first sugary dessert I've had since starting this program a month ago...and, honestly,could have done without it. It tasted OK but nothing special....I probably could have easily passed it up but I was hungry since I couldn't fill up on salad....I had planned on eating lots of salad. Had I known what it was going to be, I would have eaten salad here at home first...oh,well....I don't eat many meals away from home so luckily problems like I had last night don't happen very often..

Having dessert hasn't really affected me that much today...I have been a little hungrier than normal but not too bad....and don't have any crazy urge to binge or eat everything in sight...just right back on track, eating my healthy food....tomorrow, I'm going scrapbooking from 2-9 pm and will go for Chinese food for dinner...that will be a treat...

June 19, 2013

Yesterday, my car wouldn't start again...despite the new battery that was put in a week ago...so, I had to call road service, get it jump started then went to an auto electric repair shop....luckily, it was just a module in the computer that was causing the battery to drain...so $140 repair bill and a couple hours sitting in the place waiting...sigh...it was hot but I had a Diet Coke and puzzles to do so not too bad.

Today, I was running errands and needed lunch...so drove through In'N'Out and got a cheeseburger "protein style"....love how they do that...they just put the burger and fixings between two big iceberg lettuce leaves....wrapped like a regular burger so you can pick it up and eat it like you would a burger in a bun...I brought mine home and used a knife and fork...tonight is a big family dinner/party to celebrate graduations....both of my nephews and their cousin...so proud of all these young people...they are having lasagna and salad so I should be fine on my program....will fill up on salad!!

June 17, 2013

Weigh in Monday.....300.5.....Really??? The scale couldn't move just one pound lower so I could be under 300???? I had to laugh....but at least it's going in the right direction.....

I made some really good brown/wild rice pilaf last night...used the bulk rice from Sprouts which has 3-4 different brown/wild grains....I sauteed some onions/celery/mushrooms then browned the rice before adding chicken broth to cook it in....it was really good....I made a big batch so I can freeze it which will come in handy....then I got some baby summer squash, about 4 different types, at the farm store and microwaved those last night....I am grateful that I like whole grains and veges....I can't imagine how hard it would be to try to lose weight if I didn't like all the healthy food...

I continue to be "in the groove"....just a couple cranky moments when I get impatient with how slow the scale moves....but I'm just impatient!!! I know I'm in this for the long term, it isn't a program I'll go on and off of....but a permanent change that I can live with for the rest of my life. Once I got used to it, I haven't missed sugar or white flour that much...elimintating those entire categories is easier for me than trying to eat those things in moderation....that was something I could never do...I would obsess over the cookeis or ice cream til it was gone...so, no sugar/no white flour....easy to say no to that stuff.....so far, anyway....

June 16, 2013

 Father's Day...I called Dad .. sister Pam is there for the weekend so he's enjoyed having some family around.

I haven't written for a couple days, no real reason...I've definitely settled into my new eating pattern and am not having any real issued. Yesterday, I stopped at the Cal Poly Farm Store for their to-die-for strawberries...locally grown and so ripe and juicy. I bought some Breyer's no-sugar-added vanilla ice cream and had 1/2 cup (90 calories) with strawberries after dinner and it was absolutely delicious...I bought some  4 oz plastic sauce containers with lids at Smart and Final and put the ice cream in those in the freezer so I have 1/2 cup portions already measured out. And, interestingly, that ice cream isn't even calling to me!!

On Thursday, I got stuck in horrible LA freeway traffic, 80 minutes to go15 miles, which threw me off schedule for eating...I really had no choice but to eat in the car so got a Subway sandwich....they don't have a 100% whole grain option so I got their flatbread...I can't think of an acceptable fast food option to eat while driving...I know, "Don't eat while you drive" and I try not to but sometimes it's the only option...I remember many years ago one of the burger chains had a salad that they put in a big cup like container that was advertised as salad to eat on the go. Maybe I'll put some of those 32 oz plastic cups in the car and try dumping a fast food salad in to it and "chugging" it without a fork...that might work!!

I will weigh tomorrow and am hoping to see the scale go under 300...that would be great...I have been watching portion sizes of protein and fat and not snacking on cheese so hopefully that will get the scale moving...I hope so!!

June 11, 2013

I woke up again today with eyes stuck shut and my nose was hurting....I could feel plugs of mucus way back high up in my nose....so, have been blowing junk out all day!! But at least my headache is gone....and eyes aren't as bad today. Yesterday, they were irritated and itchy all day.....

I'm feeling good today..although a little tired from all the walking yesterday at Walmart waiting for my car to be worked on.....back and forth across the store multiple times made my feet hurt. And my left foot (which is the plantar fascitis one) was really swollen and painful....just too much walking.

On "The Talk" today, Jorge Cruz was promoting his new book about limiting sugar calories to only 100 a day.....which sounds good on the face of it until you learn what he considers to be "sugar"....he actually had labels from whole wheat bread, no sugar added....but he told the audience that the "carbohydrate" grams were really sugar....and since carbohydrate has 4 calories per gram, to multiply the number of grams by 4 and that was how to count "sugar" calories.....is he serious??? He considers all carbs to be "sugar"  including whole grain products....but it's OK to eat anything without sugar, including butter, cheese, bacon, etc....in other words, this is the old Atkins low to no carb diet...but I've never heard any reputable person say that complex/unrefined carbs are the same as eating sugar..and allowing only 100 calories means only about 25 grams of carbohydrate...which is Atkins all over...He was telling people that even if a label says there are zero sugar calories, to multiply the carbohydrate grams by 4 and those are "sugar" calories...that the labels aren't true...really??? Interesting that he didn't just call it a low carb diet and not a "limited sugar" diet...

I read Howie Mandel's book "Don't Touch Me"....he wrote a lot about his OCD which is about being a germaphobe...but it was interesting what he wrote about what obsessions are like.... he wrote "It's debilitating to know I'm not in control of my mind. It goes paces and I cannot bring it back.  The best description is that I feel incredibly busy in my own mind and that busyness is sometimes torturous."....I loved that...it's exactly how it feels to have all the "STUFF" running around in my head all the time, it can be just exhausting....even if I am getting better at controlling the compulsions the thoughts are still there...running around in my brain like having a bunch of tapes all going on at the same time...makes it hard to focus sometimes....like a race going in in my brain to see which thoughts "make it" into action!!

June 10, 2013

Monday weigh in day...and the scale didn't budge!! Still 302.....but I'm Ok with that....I know I've made major changes in the past 3.5 weeks....I'm OFF sugar, white flour and white pasta/rice which is major for me.      Especially the sugar/flour.....

Today I spent 5-6 hours at Walmart waiting for car battery to be tested/exchanged/replaced...I hung out at McDonalds...where, in the past, I would have eaten burgers/fries....and oatmeal cookies...theirs are the best....but instead had a chicken salad, and a couple hours later, still hungry, ate two side salads......even more impressive, I spent part of the time walking through the store shopping..and passing up all the snack-y stuff I would have gone to immediately in the past....

My nephews are going to Oregon in a week or so with my brother for their annual trip....they have been making this car trip since the kids were born. Back then, my brother was broke and I started sending up a "snack box" with all the kids' favorite road trip snacks....a tradition which has continued even now the "kids" are 31, 25 and 23....he-he-.....so, I shopped for "snack box" stuff at WM, mostly individually wrapped items like Little Debbie oatmeal cakes, the little packs of Oreos/Nutter Butter cookies, chips, etc.....and invariably, a few of those would end up in my pantry for my snacks...not this time!! I didn't get anything that I thought would tempt me....and I don't think there will be any problem with those boxes and bags of snacks sitting here ready to be delivered for the trip.

The fact that I was able to handle a day that was out-of-whack like today---car battery dead but luckily here at home, called road service, spent the entire day at Walmart whilc they did their thing....without eating/snacking/pigging out is something of a milestone. Usually, I handle stress by snacking...but I didn't do that today and I feel good about that.

So, new plan...Obviously, I am eating enough to absorb enough calories to maintain my weigh at 302  for the past week or so...and, obviously, veges won't do that!! I'm limiting fruit to 2 servings a day of berries/cantaloupe which are so low in calories I can't believe that's making the scale stay put...I'm also limiting grains to no more than 2 a day...Kashi cereal in the morning and brown rice or whole wheat pasta/tortilla.at one other meal....hard to think that is slowing things down when I still have so much to lose.  I need to look at the protein and fat again...so, the plan this week is to cut those serving sizes roughly in half and not snack on cheese....that should cut out enough to hopefully get the scale moving.

My other goal for this week is to move more....my feet and legs are still hurting so I'm not sure how much I can walk...but it's nice and warm out and the pool is right here for me to walk in or paddle around in....so, I want to make it to the pool at least twice this week....and continue to make good choices and learn new ways to deal with life without snacking on salty/sweet stuff....

June 9,  2013

I'm having a sinus attack and not feeling very good...headache, chest is tight, eyes hurt, etc...sure don't feel like doing very much, that's for sure. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am trying to low key it.....I am hoping to be down a few pounds, if not I'll need to tweak my portion sizes. I know I need to start moving a bit but that still hard when I'm weighing 300 lbs and have foot/knee pain, etc.  but now that the weather is warming up, I can go to the pool and walk/swim a bit which would feel good on my joints.

I still want to buy a bike but feel like I should lose about 20 lbs more before I start riding around....I can also join the Y, memberships are free with my medical insurance....I can also start going to the Silver Sneakers exercise class once I start feeling a bit better. I need to have my labs checked now that I've been on a high prescription dose of Vit D for 3 months...I'm sure not feeling much different still tired a lot. I'll make the lab and doctor appts this week and see if my levels have come up.

The last test I had done in February showed severe Vit D deficiency and mild anemia. Also, the sinus problems make it hard to sleep with CPAP so I don't get good quality sleep....these three things combine so that I'm tired a lot...when I go to the doctor, I will ask for a referral to an ENT, about time to get to the bottom of the sinus/sleep issues....I had hoped the Vit D supplementation would do the trick with the fatigue but am not feeling it so far...

I'm definitely over the honeymoon period!! Now am getting a little bored, still not really hungry but am feeling like I want to just go eat bread/fries, etc....interesting, I know that's coming from my head and not my body....probably will always have to deal with that. It's hard for me to be patient....but I've got a long ways to go and will just keep hanging in there....

June 8, 2013

I ended up sleeping most of the day yesterday....I had fallen asleep in my chair about 2 am night before last, woke up at 5:30 am, went upstairs and took contacts off and got in bed.....and woke up at 3:30 pm yesterday....felt groggy and not awake most of the day...

The only good thing about sleeping like that is fewer hours to eat and/or think about food and dieting!!! I ate my "morning" meal of cottage cheese and cantaloupe about 4:30 pm....then had "dinner" about 9 pm.....I managed to go to bed at 4 am today and luckily, was awake at 10 am so at least today is a more normal eating day...

Yesterday I made a couple of casseroles for my brother to freeze...Baked Spaghetti and Mexican Casserole....I make these all the time and they are a couple of my favorites....so I made half the recipe for myself using whole wheat tortillas and the Barilla Plus spaghetti. I had the spaghetti for dinner last night and it was yummy....so that was a nice change from the veges plus protein I've been pretty much living on. I only used 4 tortillas for the Mexican casserole and it made 6 servings so not a lot of the tortilla in each serving....otherwise just meat/veges/cheese so a good meal for my program.

Tonight I'll stir fry some beef strips and a bunch of veges....I got some bok choy and really good sugar snap peas which will ad a lot to the stir fry...I have a cup of brown rice leftover from Panda Express and will enjoy that with dinner....so far so good..will keep on keeping on...

June 5, 2013

Today marks 3 weeks since starting my new program. I wasn't planning on weighing til Monday but caved into the temptation to see what the scale said...especially since it didn't move last week....for sure expected to see it go down...NOT....still stuck on 302...interesting, since I honestly have not deviated from the eating program...so, we'll see what happens when I weigh in Monday. If I'm still stuck then I'll have to adjust portion sizes. I know I'm not eating too much fruit or grains. I'm limiting fruit to 2 servings a day. And grains to 2 servings a day....so, if I have a portion size problem, it's with protein and fat...

Which makes no logical sense to me given my re-engineered digestive tract not digesting fats!!! I let the number on the scale do a number on my head!! I was cranky and irritable all day and had the temptation to just "FORGET IT"...and go eat a footlong Subway and then get ice cream!!! But, I didn't....I soldiered through....

I was out running errands, buying more VEGETABLES.....how can one person eat so many veges in one week??? I'd eaten "meal one" at about noon, cantaloupe and cottage cheese, so by 4 pm was getting hungry and finishing up my last errand. I drove through Pollo Loco and got a Pollo Bowl with no rice, extra chicken and a side salad. When I got home, dumped it all in a bowl and scarfed it down. So, it wasn't a foot long from Subway....sigh....instead of ice cream, I treated myself to Rainer Cherries which were $4.99 lb....a sweet treat but still on program.   

I wish I wasn't so impatient.....I want to get this weight off NOW....but I know there is no magic answer, I just have to be patient and hang in there, eating healthy in a good way for my health and the numbers will eventually change....I guess the honeymoon phase is coming to an end....ahh...

June 5, 2013

Things are pretty quiet, settling into my new food routine...yesterday I had bread for the first time since I started this...I was afraid to buy my fav Dave's Killer Bread since I knew it would be "calling" to me...so just got a loaf of Oroweat 100% whole wheat....which I plan to dry and make into bread crumbs......I had made chicken salad and, as long as  I had bread, made an open faced melt sandwich....it was very good. And, I have to admit, knowing that loaf of bread was out there was tempting. I found myself at 10 pm thinking "hmmm, peanut butter on toast??"...but resisted. Instead, I drank a bottle of Bret's Trop-a-Rocka Diet Snapple which I save for when I want something special..

It wasn't really that hard to resist the bread. And, more interestingly, I am not obsessing over it today...the loaf of bread is just sitting on the counter....not calling to me at all!! Tomorrow will be 3 weeks on the new program. It takes 3 weeks for new habits to become ingrained and I am definitely feeling that. It helps to have no real cravings. I still find myself wanting to EAT but I know that's coming from emotions and not hunger.

Settling into my new habits...now for the long haul....seems do-able and I'm doing OK....

June 3, 2013

Monday weigh in, 302, hmmm...only lost one pound this week but am not freaking out about it. I know I'm not overeating and the numbers on the scale will eventually start falling....my body is just holding on to every ounce, fighting me all the way!!

It's funny how easy it is to get focused on the number on the scale and let that control our moods....if the number is up, we get upset/depressed/angry...if the number is down, we are tempted to celebrate and overeat!! There's something to be said for just not weighing at all....I did that one when I was dieting...it was interesting...I definitely got in touch with my body and was more aware of how it changed....but I think it's good to weigh once a week just to have that touchstone....

I went grocery shopping for ad items on ads that expire tomorrow.....and got lunch at Panda Express....a double order of mushroom chicken (zucchini/mushrooms/chicken/sauce) and their fried rice which is now made with brown rice. I ate half the rice and froze the other half for another meal....I went to Vons and stayed out of the bakery department, not that it was even tempting but I didn't even want to look at all the goodies. I was looking for whole wheat bread crumbs to use for meat loaf....they didn't have any.....I know Sprouts has them but I didn't want to stop just for that...so I got a loaf of whole wheat bread and will make some bread crumbs. I will probably mix them half and half with the regular Italian seasoned crumbs in the pantry so I can use them up....I'm not going to be a nut case about a half cup or white bread crumbs in a 1.5 lb meatloaf!!!

I've been enjoying fruit....I'm having two servings a day with yogurt..I mix Kashi Go Lean with it in the morning. The fruit and yogurt is good after dinner too....

I definitely feel better in all ways, physically and mentally/emotionally. I feel more "in control" and less anxious...just calmer and more centered somehow. Being able to stick to a program has given my self confidence a great boost, which it really needed...I can do this!!

June 2, 2013

Yesterday was the first Scrap In day since I started my new program....I was at Michael's scrapbooking from 3-9 pm.....and left here about noon to run a bunch of errands first. I usually go out for dinner when I'm at the Scrap In. There are several places in the same shopping center as Michael's that are easy to stay on with my new program----Pollo Loco, Chipotle Grill, Applebee's, Subway are all just a short walk across the parking lot. However, I was in the kitchen all day Friday making stuff for my brother, including some pasta salad...aha!! Lightbulb moment.....cooked up some whole wheat penne for my dinner Friday so cooked a little extra and made some pasta salad for myself, added some cooked chicken and mozzarella cheese and-- "voila" dinner to eat while scrapbooking......

I had even planned on stopping for a salad at Subway for lunch but ended up running too late to sit and eat it.....so instead ate two of the "value menu" tostados from Del Taco while driving....so, techincally, the two small corn tortillas aren't "on" but they are still whole grain and not refined flour so OK in a pinch. Del Taco actually makes their refied and pinto beans from scratch/soaking dry beans and cooking them in each location...they are the only fast food place that does that and it shows in the taste. The small tostados just have a regular taco size corn tortilla with beans, cheese and lettuce...and two ot them filled me up....I was starting to get hungry while I was getting coffee at 3 so I got two side salads from McD's to take with me to Michaels. Should have packed some cut up raw veges..I had an ice chest in the car since it was a hot day...

I had packed some cheese and pistacios for a snack and did fine....about 7 pm started getting hungry so dumped my pasta salad on a plate I had brought for that purpose....and, oh dear, the dressing was too spicy and gave me heartburn immediately.....irritating!!! I used the same bottled Kraft Tucsan House dressing I always use for that...but a new bottle.... I noticed it looked different...the old one needed to be shaken before using, this one was already "blended" and it looked like it had  balsamic vinegar, was a darker color....and really spicy....burned my mouth. I picked out the chicken and cheese....by that time it was 7 pm and I didn't want to "waste" my scrapbooking time since I had to pack up about 8:30ish...satisfied my immediate hunger with the chicken and cheese. But,when I left at 9ish, I was getting hungry....

It was tempting to stop at a drive through but I didn't really want to eat a big salad that late in the day so I just came home.....I had bought perfect, ripe, locally grown strawberries at the farm store on my way to Michael's so sliced up some of those and ate them with cottage cheese.....not what I had planned, but I stayed "on"....well, except for the two tortillas....

I was really excited to discover Starbuck's sugar free frappaccino.....it was 100 degrees yesterday and I didn't want hot coffee. I only get frappiccinos once a month or so when I'm scrapbooking in the summer and not home for my afternoon coffee.  I got a Grande Mocha Frappaccino with sugar free base AND sugar free syrup.....extra shots of espresson, of course, and regular milk....since I don't need to watch my fat grams....yum,yum,yum....the menu says the Grande Mocha Frappaccino Light is 130 calories but I think that's with skim milk, so probably about 250 calories but all of those from fat/milk and no added sugar. When I drove through McDs after going to Starbuck's.I asked if they had a no-sugar-added option for their frappes...I had researched online and it didn't look like they had a sugar free base....they confirmed they don't have a no-sugar added frappe...so, I guess if I want a cold coffee blended drink in the summer, Starbuck's is my place...it's so fun to find options that allow for a treat and are on my program....

Tomorrow is weigh in day....two and a half weeks since starting. my Monday to Monday week will be half Phase One and half Phase Two....I was 303 last Thursday and am really hoping to be under 300 soon...if not tomorrow, next Monday. I'm feeling very settled in with my new way of eating...not deprived and have no cravings at all, which is wonderful....

May 31, 2013

Yikes, another month over...and almost half a year gone. That's a weird feeling.....I'm still doing really well with my new eating program and am feeling so much more self confident and at peace with myself.....just a lot less anxiety and incidents of self loathing....it feels so good to just be on the right track and to feel like I'm moving forward instead of just being stuck in a rut. I'm not feeling deprived or like I've given up anything....

It's weird to have no cravings and to not be tempted by junk... Vons has their to-die-for tiramisu bar cake on their ad for $5 Friday.....creamy, light, sweet and yummy....in the past, I've gotten that on many, many occasions....and it has never lasted more than 2-3 days, I'd eat the whole thing in a couple of days. Now the thought of that just isn't even in my brain....I was definitely out of control with eating too much of food that isn't healthy....for me, it seems easier to "just say no" to sugar....I'm looking at it as something that is an addictive food for me so I just need to eliminate it, much as an alcoholic has to eliminate alcohol. I remember reading a book about a million years ago "Sugar Blues" which put forth the theory that sugar is an addictive substance. And, of course, Overeaters Anonymous believes that sugar and white flour are addictive substances that an obese person must abstain from...I'm not sure I believe that but for me, for now, I want to just have NO SUGAR and see how I do....

So far, so good....a new month starting....love the feeling of a blank calendar and new opportunities ahead...

May 30, 2013

Happy Day...Phase Two starts....the yogurt/blueberries/Kashi for breakfast tasted soooo good after all those eggs....My weight was 303 so didn't change since last week....but I'll take a 13 lb loss over the 2 weeks of Phase One....great way to start!! Now I'll start weighing on Mondays....

Funny..I didn't even feel like eating to celebrate....in the past I would have gotten a treat of some kind as a reward...but honestly didn't even want anything junky.....the thought of eating something sweet just isn't appealing right now. So it is true that cravings will go away if I just eliminate the sugar....I think for me it will be better to just have ZERO sugar....it really isn't that hard to do, at least not for now. In my life I pretty much stay at home and am not around a lot of tempting food...I don't entertain and have no one entertaining me!! Well, other than all the cats but the point is that there is no one in my life taking me out to eat all the time and putting tempting food in my house...the only one who sabatoges me is myself....

I went grocery shopping, etc. and was past lunch time when I was finishing. Nothing quick to make for lunch here at home so I drove through Pollo Loco and got their new Mexican Cobb Salad....100% a Phase One meal...chicken, bacon, black beans, cheese, avocado....very yummy. Of course, the packet of ranch dressing I used was 220 calories...bur 210 of those are from fat so that's good for my rearranged intestines....
so, I'm taking a deep breath and settling in for the duration....my next big goal will be to get under 300 which hopefully will be next week...

May 29, 2013

I just couldn't gag down eggs this morning.....so had some Oscar Mayer roast beef in a lettuce wrap...was OK.....now tomorrow, I'm sure I'll be over the moon with delight at having yogurt and blueberries!!!

I slept in my recliner last night, which made my neck hurt a bit but seemed to breathe better....and today am a bit less congested but not feeling that hot. So, kind of a quiet day....I've stayed "ON"....and that's a good thing!!

I feel much more confident having stuck to this for two entire weeks. I only ate things that aren't on the Phase One list 3 times....once, when I ate out at a Chinese restaurant the day after I had started and I ate the Mu Shu pancake and about 1/3 cup of the brown rice that came with it....then I put some fresh corn in the salsa chicken I made in the crockpot. The corn didn't seem to trigger any sugar cravings but I know I will have to only have that occasionally this summer which will be a little hard....I love corn on the cob and usually buy it and make it every week when it's in season...so now it will be an occasional treat.

Last night, I had some sugar free popsicles, they were really good and a great treat at only 20 calories each....a nice change from the sugar free jello I've been eating....so, on to Phase Two tomorrow.....

May 28, 2013

My body isn't cooperating today, congested/headachy and sneezing....and, yikes, slept til 2:30 pm.....so, obviously not a high energy productive day!!! However, fewer hours to eat and fewer calories taken in!!!! That's definitely one advantage of sleeping 12 hours...

Today is "new food ad" day and who would have thought I'd be so excited about cherries and cantaloupes??? They are all on sale this week....I already have blueberries to start eating tomorrow but will be fun to get some other fruit next time I'm at the store....tomorrow will be my last egg breakfast in Phase One....my plan is to have 2-3 egg breakfasts a week in Phase Two which I think I can handle. My "favorite" way to make them is to cook up some asparagus/mushrooms and onions in the melted butter then scramble the eggs in the pan...dump them into a soup dish then sprinkle with cheese and into the mircrowave to melt....top with a good handful of nice cold chopped tomatoes and a scoop of sour cream...(must put enough sour cream on to share with Cookie who is interested in anything on my plate)....

I had a vivid dream last night. I was with friends at an amusement park type of place...but it was a candy factory...we sat in chairs and were fed a big plase of pizza...in the dream, I pulled off all the cheese and sent the bread away!! There was more in the dream but I thought it was interesting that I sent the pizza dough away.....

I was watching a program on PBS about "rewiring your brain" and it repeated something I've known for years.....it takes 21 days for the wiring in our brains to register a new habit and eliminate an old one. Not that it's "permanently" rewired, but after 21 days the new habit is in place and the old one is broken...which is one reason that I am committed to staying on the program....will never know if that 21 day rule is true unless I really TRY.....

May 27, 2013

Memorial Day.......unoffical beginning of summer....air conditioning and hibernation time when it starts getting hot out!!! I'm not a fan of hot weather...

Today was a little harder for me....I stayed up til my usual 3 am...binge watching "Longmire" on demand so I'd be up for the new season starting tonight...I was supposed to go out with a friend so set the alarm for 9....the plans ended up getting cancelled but I "only" slept about 6 hours instead of my usual 8-9...so have been sleepy and achy/tired all day. My neck is a bit stiff and sore...but I went out to two grocery stores....including Stater's which has the most tempting and wonderful bakery department...damn them!! Those $1.99 cake slices and cookie packages didn't really look that tempting and I pretty much stayed away from the bakery department....and got some amazingly gigantic artichokes instead....these babies are at least 6 inches across and look wonderful..They had big long stems on them which I've never seen before....so, those will be my splurge, they were $2 each which I wouldn't normally spend but only got two so that's OK.

Cherries are on sale this week and are only in season for a few weeks so I'll be happy to be able to have those next week. Today, when I called Mom, I did "cluck, cluck" in a chicken voice on the phone and told her I'm turning into a chicken after eating so many eggs.....3 eggs a day for 12 days as of today, yikes that's a lot of eggs!!! And yet I can't help but be thankful that I can eat normal, regular eggs....the "official" South Beach Diet says only egg substitutes or whites which would have been really gag-inducing.....I loaded up on my fav Dannon Light and Fit Vanilla yogurt for my breakfasts starting on Thursday....

I'm not really hungry but feel like eating...which I know is coming from my head and maybe from an overly tired body.....but I'll hang in there....I got a half pound of cooked shrimp to have for my salad meal tomorrow which will be a nice treat....will wait til Thursday to weigh in so I'll get a two week reading for Phase one....then back to Monday weigh day starting next week....

I know I haven't lost that much but I can tell just the slightest difference in my body...just a bit less of a pad around my backside...which I noticed when I was taking a shower....the belly will take longer to go down....and I know no one will notice I've lost anything til I'm down about 40 lbs.....can't wait for that!!!

May 26, 2013

And a Happy Birthday to my Dad who is 82 today....smooch and hug!!!

I'm sailing through Phase One on South Beach Diet.....I had been unsure about whether to do 10 or 14 days on Phase One...so checked my book....and it's supposed to be 14 days on Phase One...it was the Sonoma Diet (which is a modified South Beach program) that had a 10 day Wave One....oh, well, guess I can gag down eggs a couple more mornings. Yesterday, I made a quiche with no crust and, oops, cooked it about 10 min too long so it was tough on top and crusty/dry....and WAY too salty...too much bacon....but was something different from the usual scrambled plus veges/sour cream....I don't think I'll keep the rest of it, too dry/salty...which means that only THREE more egg mornings.....just for kicks. I'll stick it out til Thursday but am so tempted to have yogurt/blueberries and Kashi Go Lean....ahhh, that will taste SOOOO good on Thursday morning...when I will be on day 14...I'll weigh in before eating and man, oh, man, will the blueberries and yogurt taste good on Thursday!! It will be interesting to see how much I lose in 2 weeks of being totally ON....
I'm making plans for Phase Two...I am not going to go nuts and start eating 5-6 servings of fruit/grains a day....I know that will slow down my loss and I'm on a roll now. I'm thinking of doing one or two phase one days a week with no fruit and no grains....then on the other days, I'll have berries and Kashi for breakfast and one serving of grains for dinner....like brown rice or a whole wheat tortilla or whole grain pasta....got a bunch of the Barilla Plus stuff for only 50 cents a box with coupons...then after a week will reasses...hopefully adding that much back in will still allow an ice 2-3 lb a week loss now in the beginning when I still have a lot to lose.

I'm making salsa chicken in the crockpot with black beans and salsa and tomatoes...I put in one ear of fresh corn on the cob...I know corn is on the "no" list for all phases but I think a little of it will be OK at this point....I can't see a little nice fresh corn sending me off into a sugar binging rampage!!! If anything, the starchy carb may cause a little hunger/craving but hopefully not...will see!! Yesterday I found a recipe for a sugar free frappaccino copy of the Starbuck's recipe...now I gotta dig out the blender and get milk next time I'm at the store...I should also get some nice decaf coffee so make as the base, that way I can have that brewed coffee flavor in a "shake" after my usual caffeine cut off time.....so far, I haven't had many cravings but I'm sure the Ice Cream Monster will come out at some point!!! I will be ready for him this time with my sugar free syrups and copy cat recipe!!!

May 24, 2013

I had errands to run today and was thinking of going out to eat.....maybe Hometown Buffet?? Lots of protein and salad there...and.....vanilla ice cream....well, a little vanilla ice cream after a whole week of being "good" couldn't hurt, right????   I could just see the machine and the ice cream filling the little dish...and how creamy it would taste......then POW, hit the "RESET" button...decided not to tempt myself......and am happy for that.

While running around, I stopped at Del Taco and got two of their $1 double meat tacos, dumped them onto a dish and threw the shells away....paid 43 cents for a tiny little side cup of ranch dressing and so I had my do-it-yourself taco salad.....also got a cup of their beans and cheese...they make their beans from scratch using real dried pinto beans every day so they are yummy and filling....a perfectly good Phase One lunch for $3.....They have their big tostada salad for only $4 and they can make it without the fried flour tortilla shell so that's a good thing for when I want a bigger meal..today wasn't super hungry....

I wonder if I"ll ever stop wanting to use food for emotional reasons...probably not....once that pattern is so deeply ingrained it's hard to stop. But I can learn to be aware and make better choices....so it's kind of fun trying to figure out how to make Phase One work....and not feel deprived....

It's Memorial Day weekend starting today....I have no plans....so will continue to move forward making good choices. ....it's pretty easy for now but I know that will change as time passes and maybe boredon/depression/anxiety set it. That's why I am keeping this blog, writing while I'm feeling hopeful and upbeat leaves a record for myself to go back and read when times get tough. I've been keeping a food log also so that I can go back and recreate the meals that gave me such success this first week...at Costco today, they were sampling their sheet cakes and that spoonful of sugar and flour didn't even look tempting!!!

May 23, 2013

Day 7 of Phase One......so I weighed today just for kicks to see what a solid week of being "ON" would translate to...and was amazed to see "303" which is 13 pounds less than last Thursday. Really amazing, although I know it isn't "real", a good part of it is...and I've proven to myself that if I stick to something 100% it will work. And, to be honest, that's really what I wanted to see happen..

Dr. Phil today popped out a couple of comments that were "Aha" moments. He was working with a mother/son and their dysfunctional relationship...at one point, he told them they have to hit the RESET button...which just hit a chord with me....It struck me that for too many years, I have been hitting the "REWIND" button. I have spent too much time beating myself up for my diet failures.....I lost 150 lbs on Optifast in my late twenties....but failed at keeping it off....then had gastric bypass and failed to lose as much as I should have....it's so easy for me to slip into the self blaming game....I always get myself out of by telling myself "the past it done" but it creeps in there anyway....so, I love the idea of hitting a "RESET" button whenever I find myself starting to slip into that "rewinding the past" mode....

Then, he told them "You will never solve today's problems by using the kind of thinking that got you into those problems"....Bingo on that....definitely need to change the thinking and believe that I can be successful instead of getting into a downward self critical spiral....

So. luckily, the first week for me has been easy. I haven't been hungry and have had a quiet week where I've been able to pretty much stay home and away from the temptations that are out in the world. It's been a good week for building a foundation and proving to myself that I can do it....now just gotta keep the momentum going....

May 22, 2013

Gotta love the honeymoon phase...I'm still feeling good, motivated, no problems, no real issues yet.....tomorrow will be a week since I started.

Did my usual Wednesday grocery shopping....I had eaten right before I left and normally would have driven through McD's for a $1 drink...and most of the time a $1 grilled onion cheeseburger "snack"....but made myself a drink here at home first....first errand was 99 cent store, said hello to the Rocky Road candy bars and Cup of Gold candy bars, they are fine without being in my basket!! Scored great veges/salad stuff, etc....then across the street to Vons...got Panda Express to bring home and reheat later and learned their fried rice is now made with brown rice....wonderful for Phase Two!!....bot for today, stuck with chicken and veges....

Next stop was Sprouts where I said hello to the Scotchmallows and California Brittle at Sees which is literally next door to Sprouts. The strawberries and blueberries looked WONDERFUL at Sprouts and are on sale this week...but they will look as good and taste even better next week when I go on phase two..so the berries were the only real temptation there.

On the way home, I drove past Wendy's and in the past would have driven through for a Crispy Chicken Caesar wrap and their wonderful salty crispy fries.....but stuck to the plan. I wasn't hungry and knew I could eat something when I got home. After I put groceries away, I still wasn't totally hungry so just had s bowl of cucumber salad with mozzarella,....so, I have proven it's possible to do my weekly errands without eating junk or sugar....yeah!!

I measured the food from Panda Express before putting it in the fridge....the side dish half of the container holds 2 cups...and each of the entree pockets hold about a cup...good to know. In the future, I could get half fried (brown) rice and half veges in the side dish half.....the veges look great, cabbage, broccoli, carrots and onions, which they wokked  while I waited so nice and fresh and crispy...don't think they even put any sauce on it but if so, just a little soy sauce....Hard to feel deprived when I can get such a great Chinese food meal for only about $6......

May 21, 2014

For some reason, I feel like something has "clicked" in my brain and I feel more prepared and ready to lose this weight than I have in years. I told my sister about this feeling and she asked "Why do you feel that way?:.....hmmm, interesting question and one I've been thinking about since last night...

I am just tired of struggling....a lot of the things I struggle with I can't do much about but the weight I can definitely do something about....and, to be honest, I haven't really TRIED very hard to really apply myself and do it....my self esteem and confidence need the boost of feeling like I've accomplished something. I hope that setting a goal and really trying to achieve it will prove to myself that I can do it....and that feeling will transfer to other parts of my life that I need to work on..

And, obviously, the health related issues are becoming more important as I get older. I had told myself at age 50 and again at 55 that I would get the weight under control then didn't do it. But now, approaching 60, I feel like it's kind of  the last change to get my act together. The physical effects of the excess weight are harder to deal with now than when I was younger. I want to get into better physical shape and need to get rid of some of the belly so I can move better!! The first thing I'll do once I've lost enough to be able to move better is to buy a bike....and rejoin the Silver Sneakers class I took years ago that I loved so much...I just want to move better and feel better about myself and my future.

It just feels like it's finally time to just quit messing around, apply myself and TRY...and get it done....then I can move on to work on other parts of my life. As long as I feel "stuck" in the rut with my weight limiting me, I just keep on with how things are now. And I don't want to be in this same place as I get into my sixties.......

I made Pam's broccoli soup last night and it was wonderful.....very healthy and yummy..and a nice change from eating raw veges when a snack attack hits...and since it's hot, it's very filling...so, I"m writing the recipe here, at least I will be able to find it again:

Pam's Healthy Broccoli Soup

Cook one medium onion, chopped, and 2 cloves garlic, minced, in 2 Tbsp butter or oil til translucent....and 1.5 lbs (about 6 cups) roughly chopped broccoli (I used fresh but frozen would work too), season with salt and pepper and bay leaf (which I didn't have so I used thyme which was great)....cook and stir for about 5 min then add 4 cups chikcen broth (which is 2 of the 14.5 oz cans)....and one can (14-15 oz) white canellini beans, drained and rinsed......bring to boil, reduce heat and simmer for about 10-15 min til broccoli is tender....Take off heat and mix in 1.5 tsp dry mustard (I left it out)....using immersion blender, puree soup in pot ...I left mine a little chunky since that's how I like it....taste and adjust seasoning if needed, adding salt or pepper....then, if desired, mix in 4 oz or so of shredded cheddar or Mexican blend cheese, stir to melt...If you don't have an immersion blender, use your potato masher and just smoosh it up in the pot...or just leave chunky, would taste fine...

This would be good with ham added to it....and I am going to make it with cauliflower and carrots....yum....makes about 6 cups or so and freezes beautifully, it's a really pretty bright green color and you'll say to yourself  "how come this is so good?? There's "nothing" in it!!"////

May 20, 2014

I love Mondays when the scale starts off the week putting a BIG smile on  my face....it said "306" today, a full 10 lbs less than just five days ago. Of course, my rational mind says that's not "real" weight loss, a lot of it is water, etc. but it definitely puts a shot of energy into the dieting efforts to see immediate success. And at least I know that sticking to something 100% actually works.....and the eggs this morning almost tasted GOOD....I have to confess, I don't really like eggs but the breakfast choices in phase one are pretty limited so it's eggs for the duration.

I am so lucky not to have to worry about fat....the gastric bypass surgery I had was a less common form called "bileopancreatic diversion"....unlike the more common "Roux en Y"....my surgery is more extreme and results in the enzymes necessary to digest fat being diverted from the intestines til the very end of the digestive process....which means that I only digest a small amount of the fat I eat. Since I don't absorb fat calories, I have very low cholesterol, my total is only about 70 which is where it's been for over 10 years....so, unlike regular South Beach Dieters, I am eating full fat cheese, regular eggs instead of egg substitutes, and full fat salad dressings. I know it's counter intuitive to dieters to be eating all the full fat stuff but my surgically altered intestines digest all the sugar and carbs I eat and only a small portion of the fat...so I'm better off eating full fat foods. The lower fat alternatives have more carbs and sugar so those are actually worse for me....

I also feel fortunate that I like vegetables and enjoy all the healthy foods that I'm supposed to eat. It would be so hard to diet if one didn't like veges...and being single/living alone, I have a great advantage in keeping the house "safe" with healthy foods.....of course, it's also hard being alone to not have support and encouragement but I can find support groups if I need that....the buck definitely stops here, food only gets in my house if I bring it in!!

I talked to friend Connie, also a weight loss surgery buddy.....she and Lulu have lost more than I have and so they are very supportive and encouraging. They are ready to go on bike rides with me when I get a bike and get into shape good enough to go on an outing with them...something to look forward to...

I hope to start posting a food diary or at least some fun recipes....my sister (thanks, Pam) gave me a great sounding recipe for broccoli soup that has all phase one ingredients so I'll be making that tonight, and if it's good will post the recipe.Yesterday, I made some yummy chicken salad with celery and sliced almonds. I seasoned it with dill which is how it was served at a restaurant I used to go to. They ate it on a HUGE salad made with a bunch of gourmet greens....yum...

Now I won't be weighing til next Monday. I am so happy with how it went this first five days....if I stay on phase one 10 days, I'm halfway through....yeah, a few days closer to not eating eggs in the morning....

When I started this, it was going to be a private blog place for Mom (Dory), sister Pam and I to share diet tips and ideas/support...but for a variety of reasons, we decided not to do it so I changed the name and have opened the reader list to anyone...so if Pam and Mom want to write something on this,they can, if not I will just use this blog to write specifically about dieting and weight issues.

I started South Beach Diet Phase One last Thursday, May 16....so today is day five of phase one...really no problems so far other than wanting to reach for food all the time, just a bad habit....I have South Beach Diet proofed my kitchen which definitely makes it easier. And so far no big cravings and haven't really been hungry....

I weighed 316 on 5-16 and will weigh again tomorrow morning so I will be on a weigh every Monday schedule... I'm trying not to obsess over this whole diet thing and just take it one day at a time. Hard for me because obsessing is something I do really well!!

It's been many, many years since I dedicated myself to following a specific plan....and my 60th birthday is a bit over 6 months away which is making me feel a little frantic....it feels like I'm running out of time to deal with the weight issue that's always been such a big part of my life.

I was always the biggest and tallest in my class as a child....by 6th grade, I'd reached my full adult height of 5'8" and had started having periods at age 10 so was way ahead of my classmates on all of that.....but never really had a weight problem til high school. I weighed about 225 when I graduated from high school in 1971...Up and down through college, I weighed about 240 when I graduated college in 1976....Went up and down over the next few years until 1981, when I was 27 and went on Optifast (same liquid diet Oprah lost all the weight on back then),,,,I weighed 310 when  I started Optifast and didn't eat solid food for a YEAR...and got down to 150 for about 5 minutes....when I started eating again, it was a disaster....that program didn't fix anything in my head and I went right back to bad habits, and even some new ones like bulemia....after a couple of years of that, I was back to 310 or so. Pretty much stayed around 320 or so through my 30s.....

I still don't have a lot of insight about what happened to make me gain another 100 lbs but by age 45 I weighed 420.....It's like I just woke up one day and weighed a lot more....I know I had a lot of problems with depression, etc. that I didn't deal with til my 40s....anyway, I had finally had enough and had gastric bypass surgery in 1999 when I was 45.....I weighed 420 before the surgery and over the next year or so lost almost 150 lbs. The lowest I got after the bypass was 267.....

So, in the almost 14 years since my bypass surgery, I have settled in at a weight of about 310 lbs...still 110 lbs lower than my all time high but hard to feel successful when I still weigh this much. So, my first goal is to get under the 267 I weighed at the lowest point I reached after the bypass.....that means losing about 60 lbs which might be WAY too ambitious for only 6 months but, what the heck, I have a built in tool/advantage with the bypass surgery I had....if I don't eat the sugar and flour carbs in excess, I should be able to lose pretty quickly...

I'm looking at this next 6 months as an experiment to see how my life works if I've lost weight and feel better and more active. The older I get, the more I will have problems with mobility and so it's time to do something about it....never too late to change for the better!!.

May 16, 2013

I am the Laura in the group. Pam is my sister, 7.5 years younger than me and I'm turning 60 this year. Dory is our "elderly" mom, who is anything but that at 78 years young. We have all struggled with our weight for our entire lives and today Mom thought it would be fun to have a blog where we could post notes and share our dieting successes and challenges. Now all I have to do is figure out how to make this a private blog so just the 3 of us can post and read it!!